Let me be clear: I’m not one of those people who wakes up excited to disinfect the bathroom. I used to face Saturday chores like I was marching into battle — armed with a sponge in one hand and existential dread in the other.
The overflowing laundry basket felt like a personal betrayal. The dishes were the villain. The dog hair tumbleweeds and mysterious dust clusters? A recurring nightmare.
After one too many Saturdays of passive-aggressively tidying around the mess (and silently resenting everyone who lives in my house, including the plants), I had a flash of inspiration — somewhere between rage-sorting the junk drawer and narrowly avoiding a Lego-induced injury.
What if I stopped treating cleaning like a punishment… and started treating it like a (healthy) routine?
One that starts with green tea, adds music, and ends in a cleaner house and a free full-body workout?
It’s not glamorous. It’s not influencer-approved. But it works. It keeps me moving, focused-ish, and just Zen enough to avoid spiraling into chore-related despair.
So here it is: my five-step, sanity-saving Saturday routine. It won’t win awards, but it might trick your brain into enjoying chores. (Or at least sweating with purpose.)
Let’s do this.
Step 1: Green Tea First: Steep, Then Sweep
Before any real cleaning happens, I make tea. Green tea is my ride-or-die here. It’s my unofficial ritual, my reset button, and the one thing that keeps me from turning Saturday cleaning into a full-blown meltdown.
There was a time when I used coffee to kick off cleaning day, but it only made me jittery and, honestly, kind of aggressive. Not ideal when you’re trying to sort the junk drawer without throwing everything into a rage bin.
Green tea, on the other hand, gives me just enough caffeine to stay upright without tipping me into chaos. It’s calm energy. Productive serenity.
My current lineup includes:
- Sencha Morning Glow – Grassy, bright, and makes me feel like I might get my life together today. Or at least the kitchen.
- Matcha Boost Blend – When the cleaning list is long and I’ve already procrastinated with three unnecessary errands.
- Mint + Lemongrass Detox – Perfect for pretending scrubbing the fridge is part of a holistic wellness routine.
- Genmaicha Comfort – Toasty and mellow, ideal for laundry folding and existential reflection.
I make a large pot and refill my mug as I go. It’s part hydration, part motivation, and 100% necessary.
Step 2: The Playlist That Gets Me Off the Couch
Music and cleaning are practically a dynamic duo, right up there with peanut butter and jelly. So before I even think about tackling the laundry mountain or decoding the fridge ecosystem, I power up my trusty playlist.
If you’re anything like me, you might find that certain songs are perfect for particular chores. Some days I need high-energy disco to power through the kitchen. Other days, lo-fi beats trick my brain into thinking I’m in a spa.
Some of my go-to vibes:
- 90s R&B — Because nothing powers a grout scrub like Mariah Carey hitting those impossible high notes.
- Funk/Disco — Perfect for mop choreography and spontaneous shimmy breaks between vacuum runs.
- Soundtracks — Think Rocky‘s Eye of the Tiger or the Mission: Impossible theme. Instant drama. Instant motivation. Instant sparkle.
- Lo-fi beats — For the days I pretend this is a zen retreat, not a battle with dust monsters.
With music blaring, cleaning transforms from “Ugh, I have to” into “Okay, I’m kind of rocking this.” Bonus: it’s a legit cardio session disguised as housework.
Pro tip: Don’t be afraid to dance like no one’s watching — because let’s face it, if anyone is, they’re probably just judging your vacuuming technique anyway.
Step 3: Functional Fitness, a.k.a. The Accidental Workout
Here’s the secret nobody tells you: cleaning is basically a full-body workout disguised as domestic drudgery.
Think about it:
- Scrubbing the tub? Hello, instant arm day.
- Reaching under the couch? Core engaged. If you don’t grunt, did it even happen?
- Vacuuming stairs? Cardio with a bonus balance challenge (aka dodging stray Lego landmines).
- Organizing shelves? Squat city, population: me.
I’m not signing up for a gym membership — I’m getting my steps in between mopping, dusting and decluttering. Fitbit doesn’t lie: those chores add up, and so does the sweat.
Cleaning may not be glamorous, but it’s practical — and way more rewarding when you can pretend you’re training for some sort of domestic decathlon.
So next time you’re scrubbing, remember: you’re not just tidying, you’re toning. You’re not just vacuuming, you’re cardio-ing. And yes, you can shimmy your way through it.
Here’s a breakdown of just how many calories you’re torching with each chore. Your mop might be doing double duty — cleaning floors and sculpting arms.
| Cleaning Chore | Calories Burned (30 min) |
|---|---|
| Sweeping / Vacuuming | 130 – 170 kcal |
| Mopping the Floor | 145 – 190 kcal |
| Scrubbing Bathroom / Tub | 180 – 250 kcal |
| Washing Dishes (by hand) | 60 – 80 kcal |
| Dusting | 90 – 120 kcal |
| Window Cleaning | 125 – 160 kcal |
| Folding Laundry / Carrying Basket | 75 – 100 kcal |
| Making Beds | 70 – 100 kcal |
| Taking Out Trash | 90 – 110 kcal |
Source:
Harvard Medical School,
Step 4: Natural Cleaners That Don’t Offend Your Senses
I’ve lately ditched the harsh, chemical-smelling cleaners in favor of greener alternatives that don’t make my eyes water. It’s better for me, better for the house, and thankfully, it doesn’t clash with the scent of my tea.
A good friend of mine who genuinely loves cleaning (yes, they exist) swears by these green tea–infused sprays. Honestly, who am I to argue with someone who owns three types of microfiber cloths and actually enjoys baseboard cleaning?
Her top picks:
- Puracy Green Tea & Lime All-Purpose Cleaner – plant-based and delightfully smug in the best way.
- Mean Green Citrus & Green Tea Cleaner – smells like pure motivation in a bottle.
- YOPE Green Tea Natural All-Purpose Cleaner – smells fresh, works on everything, and apparently makes spraying oddly satisfying.
Do I use them religiously? Not quite. But do I spray them around while pretending I’m starring in a fancy eco-commercial? Absolutely.
Step 5: That Post-Clean Glow-Up
By the time I’m wiping windowsills and giving pep talks to my plants, the house starts to feel… peaceful. It’s not just about the clean surfaces — it’s a little mental declutter too.
All those dog hairs and dust bunnies hiding in the corners? Somehow, they start to feel less like enemies and more like background noise.
And then there’s that strange post-clean glow. Maybe it’s the endorphins, maybe the third cup of green tea, or maybe just the fact that, for a few glorious hours, the chaos has been tamed.
Once the last rag is rinsed and the playlist winds down, I light a candle, pour one final mug of tea, and take a moment to soak it all in. The house smells fresh, the mess is gone, and everything feels in place.
No, I’m not a “cleanfluencer.” Just a mildly chaotic person armed with a kettle, a playlist, and a solid plan to finish chores before noon.
Mission: Mostly Accomplished
So there it is — my slightly unpolished, green-tea-fueled, five-step Saturday cleaning routine. It’s not perfect, it won’t make your house sparkle like a showroom, and it definitely won’t turn me into a cleaning guru. But it does turn the chaos into something manageable, even a little enjoyable.
A hot mug of green tea, some carefully curated tunes, and a few sprays of those fancy eco-cleaners transform Saturday from a dreaded chore day into a surprisingly satisfying ritual — complete with a bit of unexpected exercise and mental decluttering.
Here’s to calm Saturdays, cleaner spaces, and lots of green tea. You’ve got this.
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